Weekend ...a true Story

I have off on Satrday & Sunday . It is supposed to be fun time . I have very bad track record with "supposed to be " things in the world . At my age one is supposed to have gone around with at-least three girls with another two be kept as backups . Well u guessed right !!! I am from that faction of youth who oppose valentine & rose days by not being able to participate in them.
So coming back to Weekend ..A true Story . I have some very close friends and by the principle of induction they are strongly induced by lack of enthusiasm I emit . So we are the group of non-doers & self declared critics of the world, call each other i.e. give missed calls to to check if anybody amongst us is in office so that he can takes others in conference ...A weekend planning session sponsored by top software & telecom companies begins .
Now this is point of creativity for each of us . Everybody has enough zeal to plan a trip to Saturns largest moon and has arguments ready how this can be done in 2 days . The brainstorming lasts till the distance reduces from light years to few Kilometers and everybody decides not to leave this lovely planet atleast for this week . So we decide to make trip either Sinhgad , Alibag,or khadkwasla at the most ,Goa. Lot of four letter words are hurled towards the lacklustre life that we are living and how "others " enjoy and how we should also follow them. . We being from ‘all-male-looking-for-female’ community attribute our boring weekend on absence of fair sex in our lives. Discussion becomes heated one about fair sex and how it has been unfair to us.
What follows now are sound bytes of conversation on the morning of much hyped plan
Scenario 1 : Morning on the day of plan
"I will give u call later .. I am sleeping .".
"HBO & Zee English showed some great movies yesterday night .".
"Hey..was on net ..browsing ..got hold of this great free site ."
"We will go next week .. "
"Whats to see in trees & rivers ? I have a showers in bathroom also "
"Mountains are nothing but big rocks arranged haphazardly .."
"There is nothing to see on forts these days . "
"Who is going to drive that long .."
"We can meet on Deccan or FC road (favourite local hangout in Pune) instead "
Last one is the final nail in the coffin of all the plans we make. This "Master Plan " is passed unanimously & agreement is made in less than two minutes. ( Are is baar to bill hum bhar rahein hain !)

Scenario 2 : Evening ..Deccan or Laxmi Road or (if its crest of enthusiasm cycle ) its Pune Camp .
Following are philosophical musings, which are regularly bestowed unto the world of other mere mortals .
" are dekh ..kya chij hain yaar ! " ( Appreciation )
" if she is going around with that weirdo then I deserve Aishwarya Rai " ( Comparative analysis )
" Are yaar nasib main nahi hain !" ( " fatalistic attitude " )
" How come we don’t anybody as hot as that chic " ( " eternal question : Inquisitive approach )
"its all because we didn’t go to co-ed school " ( Retrospective analysis )
" Hey its better to be like us than to have girlfreind like Kedar " ( Self vindication along with enemy defamation – ek tir mein do nishan " )
" Are kaisi bhi ..kahan ki bhi ho muje chalegi " ( Equilateral global perspective )"
Last week Pddy’s group went to Goa and had quite fun . They bumped into this group of girls coming from Mumbai and had a blast on beaches of Goa I saw the snaps on orkut today . we should do it definitely next weekend .
what say guys . ? .come on show some enthu.. !!!
"Yes of course .!"
"Main to pehle hi bola tha…"
"We are sitting here making this chaiwala richer than Waeen Buffet because of you ! "( This one is by the guy who in the morning said mountains are nothing but rocks arranged haphazardly )
"Next week sure re !! "

"Are boss ..aur ek bar special chai laa !! " as we seep 3rd round of tea sitting on same spot ( who will walk ? ) plans are made to watch a movie which is decided on the basis following criteria in respective order
1.)Which theatre is nearest?
2.)Who is s the heroine?
3.)Is Imran hashmi in the movie (Insurance against fulfilling min. required performance expected from criterion No.2) .

This is how the weekend comes to an end.

As they say history repeats itself we again have con-call on Fridays and again plan a trip to "Titan " ( for astronomically illiterate Titan is Saturn’s largest moon " ) and again the chaiwala on laxmi road laughs his way to banks !!!!!

Aapki Adalat …

Hi many of us must have gone through horrible experience of answering queer questions about which we had as much idea about as George Bush has about Bin Laden’s whereabouts . No iam not talking about exams guuys ..Its about those mundane dull questions that we have to face at social occasions where u have been dragged by ur mom on the pretext of “Tum nahi aaye to Achaa nahi dikhega “ …


I have always been in Aapki Adalat with my Aunts & uncles Grandfathers and all those distant relatives posing as Rajat Sharma ,

Just imagine a situation ….u are in a marriage party looking for a hot Dulhan ki saheli or choti behan type material and like a commercial break just before Suhagrat scene on Surya Or Sun TV movie an aunt comes from nowhere and starts to have a dialogue which more often than not turns out to be monologue with u becoming silent sufferer along the way .

It goes something like this

Aunt : Hello Beta ….pehchana kya ?

Shocked by this sudden intrusion of Tuntun in ur seach for Aishwarya ..but gaining composure by being used to such eternal “Why me only “ happenings in my life

Me : Hmmm…. Yes ofcourse Auntyji .. how can I forget you .

Aunt : So tell me whats my name ?

Shardul Scan .. memory scan ..wish I had google in my head .. indexing search…funerals ,marriages .birthdays ,threading ceremonies ,naming Ceremonies …No ..No. its same again Google is far better than me ..

Me : I am sorry but …

Aunt : Ok OK beta .. haan ab tum hum jaise budhe logon ko kyon yaad rakhoge ab to tumahre din kisi aur ki yaad me khone ke hain .

if u just get out of the way and let me least look at that hot chic..

Me : Aisa kuch nahi ..main bas thoda confuse hoon !! ( A emarassed smile attached with it )

Sudenly to join this lady Rajat Shrama .a Karan thapar looking uncle comes and joins the conversation ..he is Aunty’s husband ..As allien to me as was this earlier creature namely …yes namely Shila Aunty . My memory scan may not be as fast a google’s but it does work sometimes .

Uncle : to aajkal kya karte ho ?

Me : Software field main hoon .

Uncle apart looking alike karan Thapar also has karan’s “ I know it all Attitude “

Uncle : are bhai lekin what do u do ?

Me ( Bit Irritatedd ) : “ Stastical analysis & data Reconfiguration for Real time Embededd systesms for Telecom applications “

Uncle : Oh Oh..Ok Ok I see ..!!

Hi five !! gotch u !

Aunt : So when are u going to America . Manju didi ka Ramesh ab to wahi pe setlled hain ..

Uncle : It has become realy easy .. hamare jamane main bahut mushkil tha ..

Ofcourse it must be difficult in ur times even now they don’t send any octroi clerk to USA .

Me : Try chal raha hain . Ab dekhte hain ( That bloody Project lead of mine better send me this time .i just cant be more sycophant than last quarter ) .

Uncle : Are Shardul as u happen from the telecom field tell me something aajakal kounsa scheme achha hain ..Tumahre compony ke scheme main kitana talk time free hain ?

Me : Actually I don’t know exactly …

This is the ultimate question of all ..for him my entire knowledge ..the whole test of my career lies in me knowing latest rates of
Mobiles ,schemes . free talktime ….etc… and me being blissfully unaware of these things he gives me a look that Himesh Reshmiya gets ….when he claims he is a singer …

I start to think shardul …this is the evening for which you had put Gel on ur hairs , Powder on ur face, Imported deo on ur body (friend had bought from his last onsite trip) . wore shoes from Reebok ..Shirts from Peter England and Jeans form Killer..

This happens with me with consistency of Rahul Dravid’s batting and Frequency of Imran hashmi’s Smooching All hindi movies are big blantant lie !! How can Salman pataofi Madhuri in HAHK ? How can Sharukh Romance Kajol on the terrace in DDLJ ?


Any answers ????

Words..and only words

I am a confused guy . It took me to quite a while even to decide what font to use for wrting it. Most of my day is spent in “contemplation” , “planing “ , “prioritising” and “ introspection” ..this is the benefit of reading philosophical books you can justify all your inertia & inactivity by beautiful words . It is rightly said that Philosopher is one who thinks everything about everything and does nothing about anything .

Its amazing what words can do. I work in world full of jargon ..this jargon has provided me “great saved my ass a moments “ in my life .

In my office we don’t chat we discuss ,
we don’t gather around table & eat chai-biscuits we have a meeting .,
If any donkey work comes our way we safely pass it on to that recently joined guy who readily obliges and we name this delegation .
We don’t ask people around to look into issues we align resources with requisite skill sets .
We never screw up but what we need is just a change of approach .

Our previous software hasn’t got any dumb mistakes …. this new one is just an upgrade .
( We will make u pay for this one .more dumber we get …. more upgrades and version we doll out sales guy are not complaining )

He is as dumb as Windows BIOS error message which says “Keyboard not detected press F1 to continue “ . but for us it’s not a skill issue but it’s a will issue ..


We don’t know a thing about what you are talking and we will say “ this particular concern of yours requires convex optimisation of skills & resources so that this real time engineering difficulty can be solved by ramp –up approach rather than any vertical or horizontal approach this way all the bottlenecks in process can be addressed as we move along the value chain in synch with organisation’s mission statement “
YES !!!!! this is the exact mail I posted to my ops-manager and he thanked for quick response .!! .The issue took 2 months to get resolved & I already got an appreciation ..

The day is not far ahead when people in my office will call the conversation that happens between two guys adjacent to each other in urinal as meeting and label it as their multitasking ability ..

as engineers also we have a separate language .. u will need Dan brown to crack this code ..

“Oh ..that chic is one with great gradient ..”
“I think I have resonance with her ..”
“After the booze at the party I got al level 5 Reset ..”
“Whats your frequency ?”
That chic works on TDMA ..so not a biwi material ..so stay away …

Enough for today ..got to go my cab is waiting downstairs ..i actually never used the word cab and still cant understand why good old “car “suddenly became “cab” ..I guess its just at the same time at which Boys & Girs became “Guys & Galls “

So guys & gals .. time being astala- vista !!!